Over the HUMP

There is so much awkwardness in everyday life.  I know that people mean well, (hold on I am in this category as well) but please think before you speak. 
I understand my husband's profession is very different from what you are familiar with, but please do not think you know what our lives are like just because you have seen "Army Wives".  Now I am a fan of this show, sometimes it hits home with a dead ringer, other times it is so far off base (no pun intended).  I sometimes watch it to help me deal with my current situations, other times I watch it because those women have true friendships.  Okay TV friendships that are scripted and acted out accordingly, but it makes me think of my own friends and how individual they are and how I wouldn't trade them for anything, unfortunately they are also so spread out I don't get to see them and sometimes just finding time to call them is difficult.  The important thing is they accept me for me and I accept them as well. 
Anyway back to the original thought. 
Sometimes I wish I could just lie about what my husband does. 

Sometimes I do.  (Depending on if they have had a chance to see the base sticker on my car or my dependent ID).  Someone will ask what does your husband do.  Oh he's an electrician.  (that's not a lie he IS).  Other people are just down right nosy and full of assumptions.  ASS-U-ME.  Yes, my husband has been in for XX amount of years and yes his rank is _-_.  Why does that matter to you?   Did I ask if your husband was the VP of company Z?  No I did not. Why?  Because you are a total stranger.  I don't know you from Adam.  I don't think you need to know if my husband is deployed, you could be a freak who is stalking me and try to break in.  Although if you are- I would seriously recommend not; as I can kill you or will try to. 

And if for some reason I do share some personal information with you, please do not have the following things to say. 

Me: Yes, he is currently in XX foreign country
Stranger or semi-known associate: That's awful.  He's not on the front line, is he?  (Seriously?  this is not the fucking civil war we are not lined up across from each other or is just that he's deployed not good enough for you to give me empathy must he also be in a combat zone)
Me: (Smiles from previous thought) No, he is on a base
S-O-SKA: Oh well then, he's safe.  (Really? Do you not see where suicide bombers get in?)

S-O-SKA: My (nephew,cousin, sister, brother asshole kin) is or was there. 
Me: I am sorry, hopefully their time to come home is soon. 

S-O-SKA:  How does your child handle it?
Me: (really? How the hell do you think he handles it?  His Dad misses his everyday life, games, awards, and just time hanging out.)  Oh you know him and I; we hang out and make sure that even with Dad gone we still stay busy and connected. 
S-O-SKA: here's one of my favorites "they must be used to it by now"
Me: Yeah, we get into our own groove and ride it out.  (does anyone EVER get used to deployment?  The stress that builds leading up to it?  The pile of things in the corner of the room that are "for deployment (the new socks, t-shirts (cotton only no synthetics in case.they catch fire it can adhere to the skin) cliff bars and magazines for the plane ride. The greeting card that is always hidden somewhere in the go bag for him to find once he gets there.  The thought of knowing you are going to be separated for however long and that's just how it is. 

S-O-SKA: how long will he be gone?
Me: (Using current schedule) 6 months-
S-O-SKA: That's not bad at all, he'll be back before you know it. 
OR
S-O-SKA: But he will miss the summer or its nice he will be home just before Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Me: yeah, that's the way it is (thanks asshat, like I wasn't able to figure out a calendar on my own and see all that will be missed.  Fucking appreciate it.  Miss Christmas?  Chalk that one to an average of every other year, along with birthdays, anniversary and don't forget JUST EVERYDAY!~  Every day that you just may need someone to pick up milk (or in our case beer or wine), someone to flush while you are in the shower, make your coffee, an adult human that you get to see everyday and talk to, that can keep you from letting life get to you.)
OR
S-O-SKA: I don't know how you do it, I never could
Me:  It's what we do.  (I get up everyday and have to put on my big girl panties.  Why couldn't you?  Is there something wrong with my marriage or life that you think is wrong?  Yeah, we love this life and being separated is the only way we will make it. We know that sometimes being separated puts things in a different perspective and we have a different life and its okay, so yes its what we do.) 

Sometimes the conversations aren't this bad and sometimes they are worse.  Sometimes I just wish people would recognize it, be simple and move on. 

Me: Yes, my husband is active duty.
S-O-SKA:  I hope he is well.  Thank him and thank you I am sure it isn't easy. 

That's true.  The only easy day was yesterday.

I remember my newbie days on the first deployment at a ESG meeting and a wife was like this is my 7th one.  And I had total admiration.  I still couldn't say his name without tearing up.  Their advice, it doesn't get easier- you just learn new ways to cope.  Then they gave us all the deployment bag-

Quarter - so you are never broke
Eraser: A reminder that we all make mistakes, but we can wipe the slate clean.
Marble: To keep you rolling along.
Rubber Band: To keep you bouncing back and flexible.
Candle: To light up the darkness.
Tissue: For drying your tears.
Toothpick: To pick out the good in others including yourself.
Cotton Ball: For the rough roads ahead.
Confetti: To add some sparkle to your life. (this kind of fell out over the years and was left in various places)
Lifesaver: To remind you of the many times others need your help and you need theirs. 
Paper Clip: To hold everything together when it falls apart. 
Skittles - in case it rains, you can provide your own rainbow
Battery - so you can keep going and going and going and going (and if you need to replenish your personal stock)
Gum - to remind everyone to stick together
Cotton Ball - to cushion those rough roads
(Please note all food items have been eaten..had to)

I often think about this when the times are feeling stressful and it helps.  I know many people go through this as I do.  Some handle it better than I do, others do not.  Some have it easier than I, some do not. 

Be certain, I love my husband, for right now that means sacrifices from him to serve, from me to be here at home, and from our child to accept our lives are different and grow on it.  I chose this life and as crazy as it is I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Might try to cash in on some of the bullshit, but that's another day...